A guy walks into a bar in St. Paul and asks the bartender: "Whats the quickest way to get to Minneapolis?"
"Are you walking or driving?" asks the bartender.
"Driving," says the man.
"That's the quickest way," says the bartender.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper says, "Is that right? Why would anyone name a drink Bob?"
A pork chop goes into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food here."
A bear walks into a bar and says, "I"d like a beer and. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . a packet of peanuts."
The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"
A drunk guy walks into a bar and looks up to see a lady with a French poodle. The drunk slurs,
"Where did you get that pig?"
The lady, with a look of surprise, snaps back, "I'll have you know that it is a French poodle."
The drunk looks at her and says, "I was talking to the French poodle."
A guy goes into a bar, orders four shots of the most expensive thirty year old single malt Scotch, and downs them one after the other.
The barkeep says, "You look like you're in a big hurry."
"You would be in a big hurry to if you had what I have," says the guy.
"What have you got? ask the bartender.
"Fifty cents"
A pickle walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey you're a pickle! What are you doing in here?"
The pickle says, "Well for starters, I'm celebrating the fact that I can walk.
A priest, a rabbi, a lawyer, a redneck, a blond and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says,
"Is this some kind of joke?"
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